Harder and harder...

Every week it gets harder and harder to be strong.

I just spent an amazing 3 days with Andrew. He goes back to work tomorrow. Its getting harder and harder to say goodbye to him. He just left back to Huntsville and this time Patches went with him. Im really sad about Patches because she was my escape for when I got so lonely I needed to get some air. I feel like I am suffocating here. I get so filled with loneliness that I cant breathe. I keep thinking that with every passing week, thats one week closer to me leaving.

I knew it would happen, but I find it strange that I get this lonely here. I feel silly because I think to myself, how can I be so lonely when I am near  people that are important to me...How am I going to feel when I am in Africa? I wish I could take Andrew and Lauren with me. I couldnt breathe before I even got to the dorr after saying bye to Andrew. The tears were just building up so fast that I had to force myself to not look back for fear of them spilling out.

I often wonder if I am making the right choice. I know in my heart that I am, but at the same time I can't help but feel an overwhelming desire to stay. I know that the only reason that I am wanting to stay now is becuase of Andrew. If I never would have met him and fallen in love with him then I would never be questioning my decision to go, but I did. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that GOD has a plan for me. At the same time howevver I can't help but wonder why GOD would put such an amazing person in my life who has now become my love and best friend into my life knowing that I would be devastated to have to be away from him?

It's just so much to think about...